The Fear of Failure

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
George Herman- The Babe- Ruth Jr.

 In a house where boys play summer baseball like it’s their full time job, quotes from ballplayers resonate slightly better than from scientists who were skilled at blowing things up. This one in particular has been our answer to addressing the fear of failure.

I’ve noticed multiple articles discussing the virtue of asking kids what they failed at every day, particularly this one on the Huffington Post from last week. Maybe it’s semantics, but I feel like drawing attention to things as failures in itself defeats the purpose of encouraging them to get out there and try.

Failure is a big word. It is the opposite of success, so if you have failed, there has been no success. A fear of failure obstructs creativity, experimenting with new ideas, and innovation.

The point seems to be to ask, “What did you try to day that had an unexpected outcome?” Yes, saying “how did you fail?” is fewer words, and many of our children have a ten second attention span. But to say “you failed” implies no good came out of the experience, and nothing was learned.

I like the baseball analogy better. It applies to life so well. I am impressed with every ballplayer who gets up to bat, especially the ones who struggle to get a hit. Every person on the team has to stand at the plate in front of all of their teammates, parents, and the opposition and face whatever the pitcher throws at them. They have to listen to people encouraging them to hit, and others encouraging the pitcher to defeat them. Through it all they have to stay focused and try to get on base… and even the best of them will only be successful 35% of the time. If they get out, have they failed? No way! Where else in life are you expected to perform with people standing behind you, yelling for you to strike out?

Every single one of us has to face whatever life throws at us. Sometimes, we’re on a hitting streak and everything seems to work out in our favor. Others, we’re in a slump and we’d like nothing better than to hide our heads under our pillows… but instead we get up and get through the day. In baseball, as the boys grow older, I see how they’ve learned to handle striking out better. There are fewer tears, and less blaming the ump. I see more grit and determination to hit it the next time. They move on faster, realizing that to be ready for the next play means letting go of what happened at the plate. (Though they will still complain about it- at length- in the car after the game.)

They learn that success comes from hard work. Throwing the bat down and quitting gets them nowhere. Practicing more, staying focused, and working harder- with all sorts of mistakes and undesired outcomes in the process- is how they improve.

I like this video from the creator of Spanx, Sara Blakely, describing how her father helped her redefine failure. Yes, he says “how did you fail?” but he could have been straight to the point: What new things did you try to day? How did it go?

And if the answer is “Terrible! Awful! Worst day ever!” have that conversation. Maybe there’s something to laugh about… eventually. Because as they grow up, there are fewer tantrums, less blaming the circumstances, and more seeing what they could do differently.

Tomorrow, they’ll have another at-bat. And, as Babe Ruth also said,

“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”